


Breathe Again Beneath The Flames

by Sego_Lily



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, POV Caleb Widogast, POV Third Person, Present Tense, Romance, Smut, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2020-06-29 07:13:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19825150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sego_Lily/pseuds/Sego_Lily
Summary: A series of vignettes spanning the length of Jester and Caleb's relationship.Inhale. Exhale. “Inhale, exhale. Breathe, Caleb.”Jester’s gentle, cool hand on his face. “Caleb, please come back to me.” Her voice is so sweet- it always is, but he thinks it's perhaps the sweetest he's ever heard at this moment, as it brings him back from that place.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Shoot me a comment if you find a typo/weird phrasing/switch from past to present tense that I might have missed.
> 
> The title is based on the song Ares by Winter's Island, which I highly recommend listening to.  
> It's just *chef's kiss* so Caleb.

Inhale. Exhale. “ _Inhale, exhale. Breathe, Caleb.”_

Jester’s gentle, cool hand on his face. A red glow in the dark. _Murderer, monster, idiot, coward,_ **_liar_** _._ “Caleb, please come back to me.” Her voice is so sweet- it always is, but he thinks it's perhaps the sweetest he's ever heard at this moment, as it brings him back from that place.

When his eyes refocus, the first thing he sees is blue. A warm and relieved smile on Jester's round face, that same hand that rested on his face moving to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “There you are! I missed you while you were gone!” She gives him a brief once-over for injuries, eventually finding him acceptable. 

“Come on, let's go get the others! We're all done here, we can go get a good night's rest.” She takes his hand, giving him no chance to wallow as she tugs him away from the grisly scene of his latest kill.

She chatters about inane things to fill the space in his head, leaving him no room for excessive thought on darker things. It's around that moment when he realizes for at least the fifth time that he is hopelessly in love with her.


	2. Chapter 2

Inhale. Exhale. _Inhale, exhale. Get your shit together, Widogast._

He knows he isn't imagining Jester being more affectionate with him. He should be discouraging it. He _knows_ he should be, and yet every single lingering glance, every unnecessary touch as she hands him something he forgets himself. She leans against him now, and the radiant smile she gives him when he doesn't pull away almost makes him choke on his own breath.

Nowadays she seems to find him whenever he sits still, which is usually when he's reading. At first she simply sat near him, and gradually got closer, and closer, until today. He cannot help but think that she is doing this out of a sense of responsibility for his feelings. She knows that she brings him some comfort, but she has no idea _how much_ it means to him.

“Cayyyleb, you don't usually read this slow! You haven't turned the page in a while.” 

He nearly jumps out of his skin, jostling the tiefling from her place against his shoulder, and she makes a little sound of protest.

Yet she looks up at him with mischievous eyes when he can dare to peek at her face, “Am I distracting you, Cayleb?” She flutters her eyelashes in a way he would have once seen as ridiculous, but now they are definitely having the intended effect on him.

“J _a,_ I mean-no, you-” He can just _feel_ the laughter bubbling up in her chest and he lets out a long suffering sigh, “You are welcome to stay.”

Jester's face briefly flickers from teasing to… something else entirely, before she gives him a toothy grin and settles back into her spot at his side, _nuzzling_ his shoulder. Gods, he’s doomed.

“You are too sweet to me.” When she speaks again she sounds almost breathless, and he certainly feels the same way.


	3. Chapter 3

Inhale. Exha- _Don't you_ **_dare_ ** _breathe, Widogast. She's standing so close and he can't breathe or else he'll smell that cinnamon on her breath and he'll lose that last thin thread of resolve he has left._

She has her arms wrapped around him in a tight hug, and when she pulls back, she is positively glowing. "Thank you so so so so _sooooo_ much Cayleb! I love it!" She puts him down, he hadn't even realized she'd lifted him off the ground, and goes back to admiring her gift.

He hadn't really _intended_ it to be a gift, more of a practicality, but she examines the enchanted bracelet with such awe and he knows it means much more to her than he thought it would. "It matches the necklace my mother gave me perfectly! And it's got the same spiral in it as my lollipop! It's too cute!" She gushes, running off to show Beau how nice it is, and Nott sidles up next to him.

She's quiet for a moment, and he can feel her eyes on him, scrutinizing. "You could've spent that gold on paper." He determinedly doesn't look her in the eye, watching Jester shove the bracelet in Beau's face in the distance. "Everyone, even Fjord, a dumbass, can tell that you've got it bad, Caleb." He finally tears his eyes away from Jester to grimace at Nott.

"I do not know what you are talking about." It's an obvious lie, and he knows he can do much better than that. Fjord is the one Jester should be with. He believed Fjord when he said nothing from his past would come back to hurt them. Caleb's, on the other hand? Ikithon and his hounds will tear them apart. Nott doesn't push it, simply rolling her eyes at him and turning to look at Jester as well, who is now waving the bracelet at Yasha.

"Well, just so you know, I approve." Her voice holds a finality to it, and he heaves a sigh.

_Scheisse._


	4. Chapter 4

Inhale. Exhale. “ _Inhale, exhale, keep breathing- Bitte,_ **_please_** _, please hold on for me, mein Liebchen.”_

She's dying in his arms and it's _his fucking fault._ He wasn't fast enough, he _hesitated,_ and now she is paying for it. Her breathing is labored and he presses both his hand and hers against the wound on her side. The battle rages on around them, Nott and Fjord providing a needed distraction as he tries to stabilize her. Turns out the fluffernutter had some merit after all.

She's struggling to keep her eyes open yet she smiles for him, even now. Even now, _gottverdammt_ , she's trying to make _him_ feel better. Logically, he knows that Caduceus will be able to save her if she dies, but the thought of watching the light leave her eyes kills him. He will never forget it, and it will be another in the never ending list of things that haunt his nightmares.

As if sensing his distress, because of course she does, she raises her free hand to his face. "Technically, Caleb, if I die, it will only be for a little bit, and I'll get to see The Traveler, and everything will be fine in the end, trust me... mein Liebe...chen?" 

Did he call her that? He did. And he meant it. "Lavorre, please. just breathe. Hold on for me and I will tell you what that means, I promise." His voice is wrecked and he knows it, despite his efforts to keep calm and steady for her. 

She scrunches up her mouth in a little pout, and it's endearing despite the blood trailing down her chin from the corner. Her hand that was once cupping his cheek gives it a just barely too hard pinch and he winces, cursing under his breath.

"Hey. No calling me by my last name. Go back to calling me 'mein liebchen' now please. I can tell it means something _really goo_. Are you calling me beautiful? A goddess? Or something su-per dirty like-" She breaks off her rambling with a wheezing cough, her hand dropping from his face to clutch his coat as she tries to hold on through the obvious pain she's in. He can only cradle her closer, looking around frantically for Caduceus- _where the fuck is Caduceus?_

"Mein Liebchen, Schatz, Süße, liebling- I will call you everything, and I will teach you what they mean." Every sweet word he wants to whisper in her ear, everything he hasn't let himself even consider calling her. He would. If only to make her smile in the now. Caleb knows he will eventually break her heart. He _is certain_ he will- but he isn't a good enough man to hurt her a little bit now instead of devastating her later.

"Hmm… sounds good to me." She sounds exhausted, and her eyes are drooping. However, her grip on his coat remains firm. "Hey… so I have a _craaazy_ idea." Despite the situation, her tone of voice has him raising an eyebrow.

"And what would that be?" He winces as he hears a loud explosion off to the side, but relaxes when he hears Fjord's signature " _Eldritch Blast!"_

"Remember when I gave you mouth to mouth and you were okay after?" _Oh gods she's really doing this now-_

"Where are you going with this?" He can't control his own _fucking_ mouth, he shouldn't be encouraging her.

"Really Cayleb? You should definitely kiss- I mean give me mouth to mouth and I will be _alllll_ better." She's slurring her words and literally bleeding out under his palm, and he's never been able to deny her anything, much less this, right now.

" _Du bringst mich um, Schatz."_ And yet. Swallowing, he lifts Jester's head, slowly, and she closes her eyes deliberately this time. He angles his head to press his lips against hers-

Suddenly Jester and himself briefly glow with a greenish light. He immediately pulls away and swivels his head to see Caduceus with a raised staff and the smuggest look he's ever seen on the Firbolg's face.

The moment broken, he helps Jester to her feet, and Caduceus gives them a serene smile before turning around and releasing his horde of beetles against a nearby enemy. He can feel Jester's reluctance as she lets go of his hand, but she gives him a quick smile before running off towards Caduceus, summoning her spectral lollipop and finishing what the Firbolg started.

Once again, Caleb realizes that he's doomed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rated M territory now...

Inhale- _sigh._ He knows it's her. She's getting harder and harder to avoid. He knows he is being a coward by not speaking to her, no better than Fjord not speaking to her about their kiss, and _fuck, does she have bad taste in men._

Jester finds him in his room in Xhorhaus, knocking constantly until he opens the door, revealing her with her hand raised to knock again. She gives him a sheepish smile, lowering her hand to fiddle with the holy symbol attached to her belt. Her tail flicks back and forth in obvious anxiety, and once again he realizes what a truly shitty person he is.

"Sooooo... Caleb. Can I come in? Unless you want to talk out here? I mean having me in your room might be awkward and it might totally be crossing boundaries and I know you like boundaries and if I haven't been respecting those boun-" He interrupts her by grasping her hand, gently pulling her inside. She lets him guide her to his desk, where he gestures for her to sit in the extra chair he usually reserves for Frumpkin, and he sits in his own chair beside her.

"If you were crossing any boundaries, I would have told you a long time ago, _liebling_." He speaks softly. He still thinks this is an _incredibly bad_ idea, but he's in deep enough that he's drowning.

Jester's smile is almost bright enough to blind him, and he certainly doesn't deserve such a look of adoration and hope directed at him. 

Slowly, like she's afraid that he will bolt, Jester brings his blackened fingertips to her lips. 

" _Cayleb..._ I would really really _really_ like to kiss you now." Her voice has the slightest hitch to it, and his blood is set alight. He gently removes his hand from her grasp, putting each of his hands on the sides of her face before leaning in to slant his lips against hers.

Her lips are colder than he expected, but still soft and sweet as she makes a little noise of pleasure- one that quickly turns into a giggle after that first gentle press of lips, "Your beard _tickles_ Caleb."

"Is that a bad thing?" This isn't exactly going according to plan, but nothing ever does with Jester.

She pretends to think, threading her fingers into his hair. "Nothing is bad about kissing you." Her voice is teasing but her eyes are genuine, and it's her who pulls him in this time. For a short time-( _precisely seventeen seconds)_ , the kisses lingering and sweet. He doesn't want to overwhelm her, but when she gives his hair a light tug and brushes her tongue against his lips, it _very quickly_ escalates.

Before he can fully grasp what's happening, Jester is getting out of her chair and climbing into his lap. For all her inexperience, she has enough dexterity to adjust her skirts and not break the kiss at the same time. She sits astride him, and he groans into her mouth as she presses her chest against his. He had intended to take the lead, but Jester is like a tidal wave, barely taking a breath between kisses, tugging at his hair and running her tongue against his with unbridled enthusiasm.

She does stop when she unconsciously rocks her hips against him and he lets out a choked gasp, and she pulls back a fraction. "Did I hurt you? Are you- _oh._ " She can no doubt feel his hardness against her, and he couldn't be any redder, even if he stood out in the Nicodrani sun all day. " _Oh_. Do you…? Hm." She repeats the motion, and his hands fly to her hips in an attempt to still them before he loses every higher brain function.

"Lavor- Jester, please _._ " She stops, breath heavy as she searches his face. "We should talk about this."

She gives him a little pout, "Okay, I will talk about it." She presses a feather light kiss to his jaw, then leans in to whisper in his ear, "I've been wanting to kiss you, and touch you, and hug you, and a bunch of other stuff for _a while_ , Caleb. I'm an adult and I've decided that I want you and if you want me back I'm _yours_ , in every way possible."

Every wall he's built doesn't stand even a remote chance against her now. He nods dumbly, unable to do anything else, "I… I've wanted you for longer than I'd care to admit. And I shouldn't, if- if anything happens to you because of me-" He swallows heavily, and his pause gives Jester enough time to place one little blue finger over his lips.

"I can hold my own, _Cayleb._ And I have like, six badasses who can back me up. And The Traveler, who wouldn't let _anything_ happen to me." She sounds so sure of herself that he almost believes it. Jester moves her hands to start pushing his coat from his shoulders, and he doesn't stop her, even moving forward and shaking it from his arms to help remove the offending garment. "You're already dear to me, so so so dear. If anything happens to me 'because of you'," she says the last bit with a roll of her eyes, then frowns, "It would like, probably be from me breaking my knuckles or something punching Trent _Dickithon_ in the face." She trails her fingers down the bit of his chest exposed by his unbuttoned shirt, prompting a shiver from him that has her smiling once again.

"And _technically,_ it's been too late to worry about me being involved with you for a while, don't you think?" It is too late, and it's something he will regret for the rest of his life, involving them in his bullshit. He shouldn't have all these friends, these people who _care_ about him, he-

That train of thought stutters to a halt when Jester climbs off of him to start working on the laces of her dress, already having removed most of her outfit before entering the room. She only has a precious few layers of clothing between him and her soft blue skin. His body once again takes interest, despite his seemingly infinite self loathing and regret, and he is hopelessly caught in her orbit.

Noting that she has his attention, Jester gives an uncharacteristically bashful smile as she divests herself of the remainder of her clothing, muttering something in Infernal when her slip gets caught on her horn.

She's transcendent, her dimpled knees, strong arms, soft belly… _fuck_. When she tosses the slip to the floor, she meets his eyes again, and he can see the rapid spread of purple flush from her face down to her chest, which he follows shamelessly. He startles when she steps closer, grabbing his hand where he has his knee in a white knuckled grip.

"Caleb. I would like… could you just touch me now please? You should definitely touch me now." His grip on his knee slackens, and as soon as it does, she lifts his hand to her chest, cupping it around one of her _perfect_ breasts. The noise she makes finally kick-starts his brain, and his free hand darts to her hip to all but drag her back into his lap.

As soon as she's seated astride him once again, she attacks his clothes in earnest, catching him with a claw as she pries his shirt off his torso, pausing only to kiss him nearly breathless. His shirt, which is decidedly not in the condition it was in when he put it on, ends up on the floor, and he couldn't care less. She rakes those claws down his chest, following the red marks they leave in their wake with her lips, before making her way back to his mouth, but she hesitates. He opens his eyes, which he hadn't even realized he'd closed, and drops both hands to her hips.

"It's probably the wrong time to mention this _buuuuut,_ I've never done this before. I mean, I've read a ton about it and even messed around with a toy before and um. I know it's not pleasant unless I'm like, super ready, and I'm like _really wet_ right now but I think that-" She cuts herself off when she notices he's just staring at her, half bewildered, half aroused out of his mind. She fidgets in his grasp, and he finally amasses the capability to speak.

"I- I haven't done this in… it's been many years since I've had anyone, but I know what to do." He starts rubbing circles with his thumbs against the skin of her hips, trying to ground himself. "Are you absolutely sure that you want this?" _That you want me?_

Jester squints at him, then rolls her eyes, shaking her head fondly as if he'd asked the most ridiculous question in the world, " _Yes,_ Caleb. I'm definitely, absolutely, positively sure that I want the man whose lap I'm currently sitting naked in. Which you should definitely do something about, by the way, I mean-" It's him who cuts her off this time, hands moving to cup her ass and pull her flush against him.

"Then we should move this to the bed, _ja_?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a sharp left at rated E

Inhale. Exhale. _Inhale, exhale, it's hard to remember to breathe when the woman you love is coming apart in your arms._

Caleb has never been so glad for his perfect memory. The fact that he will remember the look on Jester's face when she's panting his name, as he thrusts slowly, carefully, into her, getting her used to the stretch, the fullness.

_"Show me how you touch yourself, liebling." Jester bit her lip, rubbing little circles around her clit. She settles into a rhythm and he watches, mesmerized._

Her nails dig into his back and he cannot bring himself to give a damn. He lifts one of her legs higher on his waist, prompting a gasp from her at the new angle.

_He can only watch for so long. He gently removes her hand, replacing it with his own. He repeats her motions, and soon moves his fingers downward, pressing the heel of his hand against her clit as he presses one finger inside her._

She's caressing the side of his face now, those violet eyes half closed, her thumb catching on his bottom lip. He catches it in his mouth, sucking sharply, and her eyes flutter closed, a muffled " _fuck_ " escaping her. He picks up the pace, and she arches her back, her breasts pressing against his chest.

_The complete trust on her face is heart wrenching, she holds his wrist against her as he figures out what makes her gasp, what makes her grip tighter._

_"Caleb, I- I'm-"_

_"Let go for me, Schatz, I've got you."_

He gets up on his knees, lifting her by her waist, picking up the pace. She tries to focus on him, but her eyes are glazed, but she's smiling, and his hips stutter when she mouths " _I love you"._

 _She curls her tail around his forearm, and with his free hand he strokes the tip gently. That's what does her in, with his fingers in her cunt, and on her tail, she throws her head back and_ **_screams_** _, he knew she'd be loud, his boisterous Jester. Without a shadow of a doubt he knows that everyone in this damn house knows what they're doing, but at the moment he couldn't care less._

The tiefling is keening now, that mischievous tail of hers is once again wrapped around his wrist, and he captures it between his hand and her skin. She clenches around his cock and he makes to pull out, but her legs wrap around his waist and she gives him a wicked grin.

" _Caaaantrip~"_ she sing songs, and he can't do anything but lean forward and bury his face in her neck, gasping her name as he cums. Her fingers are tangled in his hair and she _tugs,_ spasming around him.

It takes a good minute for them to move again, both of them breathing heavily into the quiet room. He eventually rolls off of her, and moves to get a cloth to clean them up, but Jester grabs his arm. "I like, totally came prepared Cayleb." He feels a tingle of magic as Jester casts prestidigitation, and he lets out a startled laugh. 

"You… you're really something, mein Liebe." 

"You told me you would tell me what that means, _mein Lieeeebe."_

He returns to her side, brushing her hair out of her face. "I think you can guess."

Jester pokes his nose, scrunching up her own. "I just said I love you, yanno. I know it probably doesn't count because we were fucking but I think I definitely, totally deserve to know what it means. Also I really do love you. In case you didn't notice." She's nervous, and she really shouldn't be.

He presses his forehead against hers, smiling unguarded for the first time in longer than he can remember, which is saying something. "It means my love, Jester. The feeling is, ah, it's mutual."

Caught off guard for at least the sixth time this evening as Jester wraps his arms around his neck and squeals, kicking her legs with excitement. She _squeezes_ , and he has to tap her shoulder several times to get her to let go.

"I'm so happy! I'm so happy I could climb to the top of the Xhortree and shout _Caleb loves me!"_

He flinches, "Oh gods, please don't."

"I said _could,_ not that I would, silly."

They eventually lapse into a silence that's odd for Jester, and he's almost worried, but when he props himself up on an elbow, her eyes are closed, face relaxed in sleep. He doesn't deserve this, but he's certainly not going to interrupt her rest by leaving, or letting her wake up alone. Never mind the fact that this is his room, and Beau would murder him if he did that to her.

He pulls his blanket up around them, and watches her face for longer than he'd like to admit, his features pulled into a frown. If he goes through with what he's planning… no. He rolls onto his back to stare at the ceiling, running a hand down his face. He shouldn't have done this, but he's never been able to deny her anything.

He only hopes that he'll be strong enough to do what it takes when the time comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's more to ~~cum~~ come ;))  
>  ~~it's not smut though~~


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here come the graphic depictions of violence :')

Inhale, Exhale. _The ritual is complete, and the spell rends the space between his hands. All he needs to do is release it._

That's all he needs to do, and yet. He can hear the battle raging around him, Kryn soldiers, otherworldly horrors, and Cerberus Assembly mages dying in tandem, flashes of magic streaking across the ash laden sky. Trent Ikithon is _laughing_ , and his head whips back to the archmage, the man that ruined his and so many others' lives, clutching his side to stem the bleeding.

"Well boy? Don't hesitate. You never hesitated, not until the end." His grin stretches wider, "When we dragged you off like a slobbering dog."

Ikithon is eyeing the spell he's conjured with an almost perverse interest, no concern for the fact that not only will he die, this entire timeline will cease to exist.

He has six more seconds. _Five_. Bren is screaming at him, _kill him, save Vater and Mutter,_ **_save them_** _, you fucking_ **_coward_** _!_ While all Caleb can think of is the woman he sees fifteen feet away, glowing with green radiant light as she casts a massive healing spell over their allies. _Can he really abandon her?_

 _Four-_ "Do it, Bren! Kill me, it's all you've been wanting to do for almost two decades!" Ikithon never shouted, voice always level and sinister. He never needed to raise his voice. But he looks manic now, like a man on the verge of discovering life's greatest secrets.

 _Three, two_ , " _Caleb_!" He can hear Jester scream as she spots him, her eyes honing in on Ikithon. Her expression changes into one he's never seen, a mask of immense pure, righteous, blazing rage. She vanishes from thin air, leaving behind green wisps of energy in her wake.

_One._

His fate is thrust out of his hands as Jester comes fists first back into this dimension, one of them connecting with the side of the archmage's face.The spell fizzles out in his hands as he watches the cleric tackle Ikithon, beating him into what he assumes is a bloody pulp. He can only stare, completely numb to the hellsfire around him.

She's screeching Infernal in a way that makes his ears ring, and before he knows it, he's walking ( _no, stumbling_ ) closer to her. Drawing closer he can hear what he knows now are bones cracking. When Jester pulls back her fist to strike again, it's covered in blood and something else he hesitates to identify.

Caleb another shaky step closer, and nearly chokes on his own breath as he actually spots what remains of Ikithon's face-oh gods- _his head._ Jester continues, screaming and crying, pulverizing the body of the man who took his childhood and ruined his life.

It's when her crying switches back to common, the words he is able to make out being, "-hurt my Caleb, I'm going to ressurect you only to kill you again you **_fuck_** -!" that finally snap him from his stupor. He falls to his knees beside her, putting a hesitant but gentle hand on her arm. She becomes eerily still, tears still streaming down her face.

"You were going to do it, weren't you, Caleb?" Her voice is as flat and lifeless as he's ever heard it, and he feels his heart still in his chest. He opens his mouth to say something, but the look she gives him is enough to silence whatever he was about to say- and anything he's going to say forever most likely.

She stands, but not before shoving her boot into the slush that is Ikithon's head and squelching it around without remorse. Without bothering to wipe the blood from her hands, she channels another wave of green energy that surrounds their allies, and he's stunned to find that he's been restored to his full strength after what he had almost done. She turns back to him with a wry smile, eyes still wet with unshed tears.

"I love you so much, Caleb. As much as my mama, even. I just wish that was enough."

He cannot move for another thirty six seconds after she throws herself back into the fray.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _in which a **level twenty** Jester rolls a **nat twenty** to beat the fuck out of Ikithot and Caleb is paralyzed for 6 turns_
> 
> Sorry this is taking so long :') Capitalism is draining the very life from my bones.
> 
> ~~hahaimagineifJesterknewaboutCaleb'splans~~


	8. Chapter 8

Inhale, exhale. _It's only trying to propose to the love of his life. Certainly he's done more difficult things than this._

He has been working with Caduceus when he can for almost two years now, meditating and coming to terms with his past. He has been learning coping mechanisms that aren't ludicrously self destructive, and though it's taking time, he is beginning to feel more human than monster.

Time only moves forward, and even though it doesn't exactly heal, it turns gaping wounds into scars, and scars are far easier to deal with.

In this time, he has also been working tirelessly to win Jester's trust back, hence why he started working with Caduceus in the first place. The firbolg was always there for him when he was at his lowest, and has a real talent for healing both mental and physical wounds.

She will never look at him the same way again, but he doesn't think he wants that anymore. The adoration that lacked a true understanding of his flaws hurt more than it reassured him. Now, when she looks at him, it's with a tentative hope and a spark of longing, an olive branch, as if reaching out to him again.

He wants her to know how deeply he loves her. That he would do anything to stay with her as long as he draws breath.

He brings her to Nicodranas, giving her a lovely day with her mother while he prepares. Everything, down to the most minute detail, he has made perfect- or as perfect as he can. When the sun is beginning to set over the horizon, he leads her to the docks, helping her onto a small rowboat that takes them to a small island not far from shore. He knows deep down that the proposal will not be a surprise for her. She's gotten too good at reading him, but she plays along if only to make him happy. Even if he knows that she knows, that small voice that he has never been able to will away still insists that she will refuse him. He pushes it to the back of his mind, watching as she steps off the boat with wide eyes.

"Oh, _Cayleb._ " Is all she says, a grin slowly growing on her face, and staying there as she rushes over to examine his work.

It's not the best, in his opinion. He's not the artist that she is, but he put a lot of time into it. He's never been fond of religion, but seeing the power the gods could bring about- especially from the Traveler's own paragon herself, has… humbled him, so to speak. So he has made this one thing, his token to the Traveler, and perhaps him asking permission for her hand in marriage. The Traveler is the closest thing she has to a father. 

Jester admires the little shrine he has built. Not all on his own- he may have had some help from the others, especially Nott, who in her own words says she has the keenest eye for shiny things. Said shiny things are sculpted together into a tall archway, greens and coppers and golds reflecting the light from dozens of angles, thick glass made solid as rock by his own fire. He tried to make it as similar to her holy symbol as he could, while also being able to stand the test of time. By the look in her eyes, he has done well.

When she turns to face him again, he can tell she's holding back tears. "This is… I actually don't have words! You've made me speechless! That's _amazing_!" She wipes her eyes on the back of her hand, smile never leaving her face. He holds out his own hand to her, and she is quick to take it.

"Jester, I have made so many mistakes. I've hurt countless people-" She opens her mouth to say something but he squeezes her hand, shaking his head, "I will never be able to erase them, to _undo_ them, but what I can do is try to be better. Especially for those I love."

With his other hand, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring, placing it in hers. "I love you, Jester Lavorre, and I will spend the rest of my life working to become a man worthy of standing beside you. It is selfish of me to ask you this now, because I do not feel as though I deserve your trust, let alone your love, but I cannot imagine a single moment of my life not by your side."

Jester is silent, so silent that he begins to worry for a moment- before he soon finds himself tackled to the ground in a fierce hug. "I thought you were supposed to be smart, Cayleb. Of course!" She begins to pepper kisses to his face, and he laughs breathlessly, having had the wind knocked from his lungs. "I'd be like, reaaaally upset if you didn't want to marry me after making that, which is super duper lovely by the way- but that's not the point!" She fishes around in her dress for a moment before pulling out a ring of her own, grabbing his hand unceremoniously and sliding it on with a satisfied grin. "Okay! We're engaged now! Love you! Love you lots!" 

Once again, for around the three hundred seventy eighth time (if he's being generous) Jester Lavorre has left him absolutely floored. He blinks, committing the ring and everything about this moment to memory before laughing, unrestrained and joyful for the first time in much too long. 

"Ja. _Ja,_ I guess we are."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last one before an epilogue!


	9. Chapter 9

Inhale, Exhale. _The air is clear. After all the fire and blood, it's finally clear._

Blumenthal is quiet this time of night. It's a farming village, everyone having retired at least an hour ago. The ruins of his home are mostly gone now, two decades and the expansion of farmland enabling the growth of vegetation to nearly overtake it. He's been staring at it for ten and a half minutes, watching Caduceus walk around, touching certain things, prompting new growth to take root. Jester is at his side, her arm looped through his. She knows he won't be able to respond right now, and he's eternally grateful for her patience this entire trip. He's eternally grateful for _all_ of them, his friends, his _family_ , being here with him. Beau's on his other side, a hand on his shoulder, Nott is scouring the area for recoverable keepsakes, and Yasha is looking for flowers with Fjord, the paladin of the Wildmother that he is. 

It's some time later when they're all gathered together, all leaving some flowers on the grave that was stone shaped at the home's entrance. No words are said, and eventually they leave in pairs, Beau and Yasha, Caduceus and Fjord. Nott comes up and squeezes his hand before shuffling off to join the others. Only Jester remains, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"Thank you, Suße." He whispers into her hair, grown long and pulled into a braid that falls to the middle of her back. "They would've liked you, I think. My mother especially."

He can feel her smile against his arm, and she squeezes his hand. "This is a privilege, I should be thanking you. I'm glad we got to meet them."

"You're helping me more than you know." The ghosts that haunt him are less now, but he doubts he would be able to stand here without her beside him. After a moment he detaches himself from her, walking forward to press his hand against the headstone. He makes sure the enchantment on it is holding strong, the protective magic shielding it from the elements.

" _Ich hoffe du bist stolz auf mich_." The wind picks up, and he can almost pretend it's them speaking back, but it dies down and he can sense no one else with him, save Jester.

"Caleb, I know they're proud of you, I can feel it." When he turns to face her she's smiling, a hand wrapped around her holy symbol. For a second, just a _second-_ he can see a green cloak billowing behind her, and in the distance, a woman with copper red hair and a man, his arm wrapped around the woman, with bright blue eyes. 

His eyes overflow with tears, and soon he can't see anything at all.

He feels Jester's arms around him, and he's shaking, years of emotions clawing their way out of his chest as he sobs, supported by her steady grip. He is vaguely aware of her running a hand through his hair, whispering sweet nothings and rubbing his back. He cries until his voice is hoarse, his eyes are bloodshot, and he's just about soaked through the shoulder of Jester's cotton blouse.

They end up kneeling together on the ground in front of the headstone somehow, and for once he's not quite sure when it happened. He takes a moment to focus himself by breathing _, inhale, exhale,_ until the shaking subsides. When he finally raises his head to look at Jester, he's startled to find her face tear streaked as well. She doesn't give him too much time to dwell on it, because she's cupping his face in her hands and giving him a sweet, lingering kiss. She pulls back first, examining his face carefully for further signs of distress.

"I _love you so much_ , my wizard, my clever, beautiful man." She gives him a peck on the cheek, "Let's head back, we wouldn't want you to catch a cold, or me, or them," She gestures to her middle, beginning to show signs of their first child, "I don't know how you Zemnians can stand it, but then again, you run hotter than a _furnace._ "

He's distracted by her comforting chatter as she helps him up, and then proceeds to cling as close to him as possible on their way back to the tavern. That night when she falls asleep in his arms, cold feet pressed against his legs for warmth, he realizes he hasn't felt this at home for over two decades.

_If this woman has decided to be my fate, then I cannot fight it, and I do not wish to be saved._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo, that took me a hot second, didn't it? Thanks everyone who was waiting for an update for their patience. I'm only caught up to episode 75 because life and work have been a wild helltrain of which I cannot get off, and I have a new Special Interest™, but I had to finish this in one of my very rare bouts of creativity.
> 
> Bye bye, all my widojesters! I'll continue to lurk around, and maybe one day I'll be back. xoxoxo


End file.
